It was never meant to happen this way. I never intended to be in an apartment when my first child was born. Nope – it was not my plan. But then again nothing ever goes as planned. Or perhaps Proverbs 16:9 phrases it much more succinctly – The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.
However, it did happen that way. When my firstborn arrived, my husband and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment. One that we liked sometimes and one that we hated most of the time. But it was home.
When my son was about 11 months old and our lease was up, my husband and I attempted to find a house to rent but nothing safe was within our budget. And buying a house was not in the plan at the time. So, we moved into another apartment – a two-bedroom, third-floor apartment. In the same complex. Its only redeeming quality was the lake-front view. But oh those ducks could be quite loud in the morning.
Spending time in an apartment, on the third floor, with a rambunctious 1-year-old isn’t ideal but it was what we could afford. Of course being a stay-at-home mom I made the best of it. We colored, read books, played games, watched the ducks from the balcony, spent time outside on the balcony, filled up a baby pool with water on the balcony (don’t recommend that) and tried to not make too much noise for our neighbors below. Naturally, an early-rising toddler has no concept of how fast he’s running or how loud he’s stomping, and that your “neighbors” are still sleeping at 6 a.m. Oh and did I mention that carrying groceries up three flights of stairs isn’t all that fun either? (well it was mostly my husband’s job but it was still hard work!)
With enough prayer and faith in God, my small family eventually moved out of that apartment into our very own home. Our first house! Being almost 2 years old, my son would now have his own backyard and more space in his room to collect more toys that he really doesn’t need but that’s a different story. We loved our new house! It was and is a gift from God! I would change nothing about it.
It’s been more than a year in our new home, yet, most recently, I’ve found myself reminiscing about our old stomping grounds, our third-floor stomping grounds. Perhaps it’s because we now drive by that apartment everyday taking my husband to his bus stop and my son recognizes his first home and says, “Aparmen!” very happily. He asks me repeatedly to go there but I kindly remind him of our new home.
But looking back upon those “tough times” often being cooped up in the apartment, I think about the fun times we had when my son was small. His first bath in the real tub, his first birthday, his first steps, the way his room smelled like baby powder, how he loved watching the ducks, rocking him to sleep while humming, ‘It is well with my soul,’ and the fun games we attempted to play on our small balcony. Not to mention the constant prayers of faith asking God to one day provide us with a home to use for His glory. It’s so strange to think now that something so confining at one time could be the catalyst for fond memories at this time.
Those were our humble beginnings and even though our living situation has improved, we still face difficulties as we make sacrifices living on a limited income. But would I ever exchange the memories made in that apartment with my little baby over a larger, more secure income? Most assuredly not. I think in a way it was God refining me to force me to lean upon Him even more, to trust Him daily, with all my needs. For what need do we have for God, the Ultimate Provider, if we have no needs at all?
Dear God,
I pray to lean on you all the more as I find myself in hopeless and difficult situations. As I look around me and see trials and tests, I pray that my faith will increase as I remember that I am standing on solid ground, on the rock that is My Savior and Your Son Jesus Christ. Help me to remember from where You have brought me, a life of death and destruction, to where I am now, a new creation in You, and where You are taking me. Help me to remember that is You who is carrying me, as a Shepherd carries his young lamb on His shoulders. In Christ’s Name.
