Marriage is an interesting topic these days. Some people are happy to hear that you’re married while others feel sorry for you. A newly-engaged couple may hear jokes about “the funeral” rather than the wedding or the end of their single life. Can you really see yourself married to the same person for the rest of your life?
Women, I believe, probably have far more fairytale dreams and expectations of marriage than men do. I think most men probably assume they will continue living life somewhat as they had (go to work, come home to watch TV, hit the sack, etc.) while women envision candlelight dinners, long talks on the beach and romantic evenings out.
We (yes, I am a married woman) tend to forget that our husbands come to the marriage as we do – with bad habits, annoying problems and most importantly sin. As the honeymoon wears off, we see these men for who they really are – grooms in need of some grooming, or so we think. We complain and whine about the socks they leave on the floor, or how they do everything WRONG (aka, different than the way we do it), and we even contemplate the question, “Did I marry the wrong man?” (Gasp!)
Of course, many women and men who are Christian and non-Christian choose to follow natural instincts and bolt as soon as problems arise. I dare not mention today’s divorce rate – most people already know. With irreconcilable differences a reason for splitting, there are a host of “good excuses” for wanting out. And no one really needs to know the truth.
Yes, I do know there are legitimate reasons for divorce and the Bible outlines those clearly but right now I’m talking to women who are just fed up with their men, who think they can’t go on and are tired of trying to love a husband who seems completely opposite. Women have lost their joy in marriage and have found the best explanation is to blame their husbands. “It’s all HIS fault!” If you ever learned how to decipher a false statement from truth, you know that using the word “all” is a huge hint!
But is that how God intended marriage? Is that how God, the creator of marriage, intended women to view their commitment? Does God want us to stomp around the house nagging and whining? Does God want us to pester and prod until things get done, OUR WAY? And of all things, does God want us to let our husbands know how bad of a job we think they are doing?
According to God’s own Word, I think not. Our Heavenly Father has given us, married women, a command outlined in Titus 2:3-5 through the provision of older women:
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
We are to love our husbands and to be subject to them – meaning we are to submit to their authority in our home. This is what God has called us to do so can we actually do it?
Yes, I believe so. If we are in Christ – we have responded to the Gospel message in faith and believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, rose again and is Lord – His Holy Spirit is living inside us and will guide us into righteous living. We can through Christ love and submit to our husbands. We however must deny ourselves daily (like Christ commanded in Mark 8:34-35) and make a conscious decision to be a servant first to God, then to our husbands. No one said it would be easy but God says it is possible (Philippians 4:13.)
So, if we’re commanded to love our husbands, how can you practically love yours? How can you love your husband until…death do you part as the vow explains? I am grateful that God does not leave us hanging on this one either. Known as the “Love Chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13 gives us some practical (again not easy) ways in vs. 4-7 of choosing to love on a daily basis:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Since the beginning of the year, I have made an effort to memorize these verses. I somewhat have it down but still have ways to go. But I read it often to encourage me in how I am to respond to my husband and son. Again, I don’t do it perfectly because I have “my days,” but with God’s help I am more often than not choosing to be patient with my husband and his flaws (knowing that I have mine!), choosing to not brag about things that I might do well, choosing to not be selfish and seek my own rights, and here’s the biggie – choosing to not take into account or remember a wrong suffered. I said it wasn’t easy.
If we say we are Christian, we should strive to live out the life that He did. We should walk as Jesus walked – He allowed Himself to be interrupted by others considering their needs more important than His own. He ultimately died for them, for us, for me. Living in a struggling or challenging marriage will never be easy and we have no idea when, or if, God will change those circumstances. But in all things we can make a choice to live as Christ lived knowing that our testimony under difficult trials will prove our faith genuine and draw others to this Jesus we claim to profess as Lord and Savior.
I challenge you to encourage your husband, pray for him and let him know you do love him. Choose to view yourself and your husband as a team rather than enemies, and make Christ the center of your marriage everyday. For as the Bible also says, two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
