Biblical Womanhood: If I Belittle… August 14, 2008

As a youth leader in my church’s youth group, there are two words I’ve heard more often than anything else among the high school girls I lead: gossip and drama. It appears to be inevitable especially among teenagers. They ask me regularly why there has to be so much gossip and drama? To be honest, it’s pretty cyclical. Things will be calm for a while and everyone is “on fire for God” and then they let worldly desires get the best of them and here comes the cat fight. I’ve questioned my involvement in youth ministry due to this very thing but God has encouraged me to not give up.

But you know something else? Gossip and drama aren’t only limited to teenage girls. I remember about four years ago when I was in the “working world” before my son was born I encountered two women who liked to speak negatively about others in the office. I often ate lunch with them and always tried to redirect the conversation but at one point I began to wonder what they said about me while I wasn’t there. For a few weeks, I ended up eating lunch alone and was quite thankful for the break. But I returned to them with a better idea – let’s start a lunchtime book club so we’re talking about something PRODUCTIVE. I do miss those lunches but not the gossip.

But you know who else knew that gossip would be a problem among women of all ages? Our loving Heavenly Father. In His infinite wisdom, God still created us women even though we like to let our mouths run – some more than others. However, He didn’t leave us without instruction or a guide to dealing with our mouths. He commanded us in Titus 2:3-5 how we are supposed to be:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Not malicious gossips…ouch. But isn’t that true? I mean really. What kind of gossip isn’t malicious? You might be thinking that sometimes we just want to keep others around us “informed” about certain situations so we open our mouths. Or maybe what so-and-so did was just so rude that we couldn’t keep the pain of it inside. Yet women are commanded by their Creator to not be this way. Not only is gossip denounced in this passage in Titus, but 1 Timothy 3:11 says the same thing and the book of Proverbs is filled with verses about the use of our mouths. Not to mention James chapter 3 – nothing but description upon description of how our tongue can be used for good and bad.

We have this call to use our words wisely because people are watching. Claiming to be a Christ follower yet allowing your mouth to speak unkindly of others is nothing more than a bad testimony. For those of us who are moms, I can’t imagine what kind of message that sends to our children. I think for me what spoke most loudly about this issue was a recent devo in which great missionary Amy Carmichael wrote:

If, in any way, I belittle those who I am called to serve…

if I talk of their weak points in contrast, perhaps, with what I think of as my stronger points…

if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting to consider the wisdom of the voice that asks me, inwardly, “Who made you different from the one you are criticizing – and what do you have that you have not been given?”

if I can easily discuss the shortcomings of the sins of any man or woman…

if I can speak in an offhanded way, even of a child’s wrongdoing….then I know nothing of Calvary love.

The Calvary love is the love of a sinless Shepherd dying for sinful sheep. A Savior like a lamb who was led to the slaughter yet did not open His mouth, did not say a word. A Man forsaken and forgotten, bearing the iniquities of generations. The Christ who died for all.

Perhaps the negative words the come from our mouths have their beginning a little higher up in our minds. Maybe our thoughts need to be taken captive under the control of Christ so what is in our hearts and minds will become blessings that we want to come from our mouths. Instead of choosing this day to bash your husband, friend or child, even for something you consider justified, ask God to give you only words of encouragement, love and support, and follow the Ephesians 4:29 principle:

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Biblical Womanhood: Loving Your Husband Until… July 30, 2008

Marriage is an interesting topic these days. Some people are happy to hear that you’re married while others feel sorry for you. A newly-engaged couple may hear jokes about “the funeral” rather than the wedding or the end of their single life. Can you really see yourself married to the same person for the rest of your life?

Women, I believe, probably have far more fairytale dreams and expectations of marriage than men do. I think most men probably assume they will continue living life somewhat as they had (go to work, come home to watch TV, hit the sack, etc.) while women envision candlelight dinners, long talks on the beach and romantic evenings out.

We (yes, I am a married woman) tend to forget that our husbands come to the marriage as we do – with bad habits, annoying problems and most importantly sin. As the honeymoon wears off, we see these men for who they really are – grooms in need of some grooming, or so we think. We complain and whine about the socks they leave on the floor, or how they do everything WRONG (aka, different than the way we do it), and we even contemplate the question, “Did I marry the wrong man?” (Gasp!)

Of course, many women and men who are Christian and non-Christian choose to follow natural instincts and bolt as soon as problems arise. I dare not mention today’s divorce rate – most people already know. With irreconcilable differences a reason for splitting, there are a host of “good excuses” for wanting out. And no one really needs to know the truth.

Yes, I do know there are legitimate reasons for divorce and the Bible outlines those clearly but right now I’m talking to women who are just fed up with their men, who think they can’t go on and are tired of trying to love a husband who seems completely opposite. Women have lost their joy in marriage and have found the best explanation is to blame their husbands. “It’s all HIS fault!” If you ever learned how to decipher a false statement from truth, you know that using the word “all” is a huge hint!

But is that how God intended marriage? Is that how God, the creator of marriage, intended women to view their commitment? Does God want us to stomp around the house nagging and whining? Does God want us to pester and prod until things get done, OUR WAY? And of all things, does God want us to let our husbands know how bad of a job we think they are doing?

According to God’s own Word, I think not. Our Heavenly Father has given us, married women, a command outlined in Titus 2:3-5 through the provision of older women:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

We are to love our husbands and to be subject to them – meaning we are to submit to their authority in our home. This is what God has called us to do so can we actually do it?

Yes, I believe so. If we are in Christ – we have responded to the Gospel message in faith and believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, rose again and is Lord – His Holy Spirit is living inside us and will guide us into righteous living. We can through Christ love and submit to our husbands. We however must deny ourselves daily (like Christ commanded in Mark 8:34-35) and make a conscious decision to be a servant first to God, then to our husbands. No one said it would be easy but God says it is possible (Philippians 4:13.)

So, if we’re commanded to love our husbands, how can you practically love yours? How can you love your husband until…death do you part as the vow explains? I am grateful that God does not leave us hanging on this one either. Known as the “Love Chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13 gives us some practical (again not easy) ways in vs. 4-7 of choosing to love on a daily basis:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Since the beginning of the year, I have made an effort to memorize these verses. I somewhat have it down but still have ways to go. But I read it often to encourage me in how I am to respond to my husband and son. Again, I don’t do it perfectly because I have “my days,” but with God’s help I am more often than not choosing to be patient with my husband and his flaws (knowing that I have mine!), choosing to not brag about things that I might do well, choosing to not be selfish and seek my own rights, and here’s the biggie – choosing to not take into account or remember a wrong suffered. I said it wasn’t easy.

If we say we are Christian, we should strive to live out the life that He did. We should walk as Jesus walked – He allowed Himself to be interrupted by others considering their needs more important than His own. He ultimately died for them, for us, for me. Living in a struggling or challenging marriage will never be easy and we have no idea when, or if, God will change those circumstances. But in all things we can make a choice to live as Christ lived knowing that our testimony under difficult trials will prove our faith genuine and draw others to this Jesus we claim to profess as Lord and Savior.

I challenge you to encourage your husband, pray for him and let him know you do love him. Choose to view yourself and your husband as a team rather than enemies, and make Christ the center of your marriage everyday. For as the Bible also says, two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).

Biblical Womanhood: Collect treasures on earth or in heaven? July 22, 2008

As a mom of a toddler, I am constantly evaluating my priorities and activities. What can I sanely accomplish this week? What needs to really get done, what can wait? And is there anything I need to kick off my list for good? It’s not an easy process, especially when there are so many seemingly good options.

However, I am so thankful that God has provided me with guidance through His word. If you want to know what God thinks about the things you do to fill your time, just scan through the Bible and you’ll be sure to find His priorities. And that can help you line up your priorities.

There are several verses that have been helping me determine how to spend my time. A section of Scripture in Titus 2 is directly specifically to me as a Christian woman and gives a helpful outline on where and how I need to spend my time:

Older women (no age is given as the definition of an older woman but I consider myself one to the teens I work with) likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women (on the opposite end of the spectrum, I am too a young woman since I have not yet reached 30, thankfully!) to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. vs. 3-5

(notes in parenthesis are mine)

There is so much I could go into here but I’ll do that over the few days as I begin what I’d like to call a Biblical Womanhood series of blog posts. However, my focus today is on something briefly mentioned in the above passage – older women teaching and encouraging the younger women.

Before I go on to say more about that, I do need to cite a couple other Scriptures that help guide my priorities as a mom and woman. Matthew 6:33 is the greatest of anti-worry verses saying,

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Nothing sums it up quite nicely – seek Christ first and all other things will fall into place according to God’s plan. But before Christ mentions that command as part of His Sermon on the Mount, He speaks about money and He speaks about collecting treasures for ourselves, and how we are to view our possessions, our earthly treasures, compared to viewing true treasures:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

Where is MY treasure? What am I collecting? The connection between this verse and my priorities is very timely for me, as I work part-time from home. I have the ability to take on as much work as I want, or turn down work that I don’t have time for. However, I often choose to take on more work to ensure that I have enough money to pay for necessities and bills.

But today, as my overwhelming week began to taunt me with thoughts of worry and anxiety, I considered in my mind whether I should give up more work that makes money or give up more work that doesn’t make money – my volunteer job as a youth leader. I began to reason that it was necessary for me to make more money yet set aside my involvement with teenage girls so I could ensure that my small family would not feel any kind of financial pinch. While I am a worker at home, caring for my son and our house, my part-time work is also done from home, which is only by the grace of God and something I thank Him for daily.

Money from my job supplements what is made by my husband and helps us make ends meet. Even though we don’t spend much money on possessions, knowing that there is money in the bank brings a sense of security. That in and of itself is a treasure I am collecting on earth. But at any moment it can be taken away – without any warning.

Yet, the Bible also calls me as an older woman to teach the younger women, to leave upon their minds an impression and lesson from God and His word that will hopefully encourage them to teach others. That is the treasure that cannot be taken away. The treasure stored up in heaven of leaving a legacy that glorifies God, of instilling a desire to be faithful to Christ, of teaching about an eternal inheritance that is imperishable, rather than seeking early treasures designed only to impress others and bring a sense of security that should only come from God.

So, as I evaluate again what God has called me to do, I see that my work to bring in money to support my family is important but is not considered more valuable than the “unpaid” job of teaching and encouraging the younger women God has placed in my life. He has reminded me of where my heart truly should be – seeking after the treasure that cannot be stolen or destroyed.

Where is God when you need Him? July 15, 2008

This poem recorded in today’s Streams in the Desert devotional spoke directly to my heart:

It is easy to love Him when the blue is in the sky,
When the summer winds are blowing, and we smell the roses nigh;
There is little effort needed to obey His precious will
When it leads through flower-decked valley, or over sun-kissed hill.

It is when the rain is falling, or the mist hangs in the air,
When the road is dark and rugged, and the wind no longer fair,
When the rosy dawn has settled in a shadowland of gray,
That we find it hard to trust him, and we are slower to obey.

It is easy to trust Him when the singing birds have come,
And their canticles are echoed in our heart and in our home;
But ’tis when we miss the music, and the days are dull and drear,
That we need a faith triumphant over every doubt and fear.

And our blessed Lord will give it; what we lack He will supply;
Let us ask in faith believing – on His promises rely;
He will ever be our Leader, whether smooth or rough the way,
And will prove Himself sufficient for the needs of every day.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Homemakers and housewives have a noble job, says Betty Crocker June 19, 2008

Summertime always brings back fond childhood memories of trips to the neighborhood pool and library. Spending my vacation time swimming and reading were joyful hobbies that I wish I could find significant time for now as the mother of a toddler. But I did have a quick visit to our local library this week and managed to find three great cookbooks before my son decided to blow up and break the “no noise” rule. Obviously he wasn’t interested in waiting with me to decide between a baking encyclopedia or a Betty Crocker memoir. The First Lady of Food won.

I really chose the Betty Crocker book, entitled Finding Betty Crocker by Susan Marks, to see if I could learn some quick tricks and meal-planning tips. What has most interested me is the history of the Betty Crocker empire, created by the Washburn Crosby Company, now known as General Mills, and the knowledge that the woman really didn’t exist. I won’t go into further details because that’s not the purpose of this post and you can read the book.

However, reading about the chronicles of how housewives and homemakers survived wartime rationing and still made nutritious and delicious meals thanks to Betty Crocker’s tips have intrigued me. While we are definitely not in any sort of Depression era, money is tight and some guilty pleasures have to go. It’s been a difficult job keeping a food budget and still making good meals. This was the case 60-70 years ago and it is the case now, at least in my situation.

Betty Crocker knew that, and she knew the importance of a housewife and mother spending time necessary to ensure her family was well fed, well dressed and well taken care of. It was a noble job, despite the need for women to enter the workforce to replace men gone off to war. The home was still the woman’s primary place of employment (are some of you cringing now? At least hear me out.) and Betty Crocker encouraged this mindset even when the men returned from war. How did she do this? Take a look at a creed below that she (well, General Mills actually) sent out to 70,000 women in 1944 who were members of the Betty Crocker American Home Legion Program. I believe these words written decades ago will ring true for several of us today:

I believe homemaking is a noble and challenging career.

I believe homemaking is an art requiring many different skills.

I believe homemaking requires the best of my efforts, my abilities and my thinking.

I believe home reflects the spirit of the homemaker.

I believe home should be a place of peace, joy and contentment.

I believe no task is too humble that contributes to the cleanliness, the order, the health, the well being of the household.

I believe a homemaker must be true to the highest ideals of love, loyalty, service and religion.

I believe home must be an influence for good in the neighborhood, the community, the country.

For those of us who are Christian women desiring to first honor our Lord Jesus Christ with our life and then serve our husbands and children, let this creed be an encouragement that our place in the home washing loads of laundry, cleaning piles of dishes and making sacks of lunches will one day be rewarded with words from our Heavenly Father that are far greater than any ‘Thank you’ could ever be:

Well done, good and faithful servant.

JOY = Jesus, Others, You March 10, 2008

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23) and therefore it should be something that Christians pray for. We pray for patience and peace all the time (at least I do, as a mother of a toddler) but I rarely find myself praying for joy. Actually, almost never.

But, joy is something that God promises to give us as we allow the Holy Spirit to guide our life. As we submit to Christ and allow Him to live through us through the Holy Spirit, joy will be evident. Sometimes, this is not easy to do because of our circumstances but we can always pray for it and allow God to work in us what we can’t do on our own.

I’m not sure why joy has sprung up recently – I guess because I see too many Christians (myself included) not joyful even though the God of the World, the Creator of all things, has come to dwell in them through His Spirit. We have forgiveness, we have unconditional love, we have acceptance from God because of what Christ has done for us. Because of this, we will have eternal life. So, why aren’t we joyful?

I believe the acronym for JOY that I ran across several years ago while reading a commentary on Philippians can help. I had forgotten it until I read an article about former model Kathy Ireland (I had no idea she was a Christian!) and she mentioned that this acronym for JOY immediately helps her put her priorities in place. JOY = JESUS first, OTHERS second and YOU last.

As any born-again believer knows, this acronym is Biblical. God in Deuteronomy tells us to put Him first, Christ tells us in Matthew to seek first His Kingdom. Paul in his letters to the Philippians and Galatians tells believers to consider others before ourselves. And what does this lead to? TRUE JOY.

Does this mean we allow people to take advantage of us and run all over us? No, we still set up healthy boundaries that allow us to put God first (for example, if we say yes to every volunteer and service activity, there will hardly be time to put God first and we can stressed and strained. Not to mention grouchy and unjoyful.)

Try it for yourself – see how things change on a daily basis by just focusing on this simple thought. Jesus, Others, You. I promise you’ll see that God will meet all of your needs in the time that He’s given you if you simply trust His plan.

Well content with difficulties September 25, 2007

Are you “well content with difficulties?” I thought this was an interesting description after reading through 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, which says:

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me–to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Is this you? Is this me? I thought this was quite radical for I am not very happy with difficulties. To be honest, I want them over as soon as possible. But to think that I could be content with difficulties to allow Christ’s power to be manifested in me. Should I then ask for difficulties? Have you ever done that? After reading something so encouraging in the Bible, I have wanted on several occasions to be tested with a tough time just to see if I can actually use my faith to make it through. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t.

But the most awesome thing is that Christ’s power can be perfected in us, who are Christian, once we submit our will and our lives to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us. Releasing control is not at all easy for me but I’m guessing it wasn’t easy for Paul, the writer of the above Scripture. He faced many tribulations (although nothing compared to Christ) yet he boasted in his sufferings for Christ’s sake. The easy way out, the path of least resistance, that which was most comfortable, wasn’t always an option. And Paul appears grateful that it wasn’t.

A very different way of thinking indeed.

Crying over spilled milk September 11, 2007

Toward the end of a very busy, stressful day (what other description is there for days with a toddler?), I began to get my son’s dinner ready as I set our dinner to cook on the stove. My 20-month-old son was standing right behind me as I’m pouring milk into his sippy cup, excitedly waiting for his first cold sip.

I’m not quite sure what happened next except that in my haste I knock over his cup and spilled milk on the counter, on the floor behind the fridge, down the cabinets, onto myself and a little on my son. I couldn’t have waited to be clumsy until I had securely screwed the lid on. Not a chance.

All of a sudden, my son bursts out into tears and yelps! He is so upset and all I can do is say, “It’s ok, it’s ok. I’ll get you more milk.” He cried so hard that tears streamed down his pink cheeks and he began almost heaving. Surprised by his reaction, I grabbed towels, keeled down and began cleaning up. I then held him next to me as I wiped up the spilled milk.

Even after my hectic day and frustration over wasting a now-expensive beverage (why has all the dairy gone up?), I didn’t cry. I was actually calm – surprisingly calm. In these situations, I usually get visibly angry at myself for such a silly mistake. But I didn’t. I wasn’t sure why until God reminded me of the reason:

Serve the Lord with gladness. Psalm 100:2

This week, I’ve been meditating on Psalm 100 in my quiet time (which I have resuscitated after a week or so without it!) and am surprised at how the Holy Spirit works through us by bringing Scripture to mind. Even as I was cleaning up that messy milk (and oh what a bad after-smell dried milk has!), I remained calm and somewhat cheerful. It was, in my opinion, supernatural and only a God-thing. I was serving my Lord and willingly chose to do it gladly, even as my son wailed behind me.

Even though this picture doesn’t always turn out so peachy, especially when I choose to go the other way and relish in selfishness by being angry and bitter at bad situations, I was glad that for God’s sake and my son’s sake I chose the right response this time. Allowing God to remain in control and seeking Him through tough times definitely brings about His peace.

My son ended up getting more milk and he drank it gladly. And I’m so thankful that God works in every situation of our lives, even in moments that seem so insignificant but can teach some of the greatest lessons.

Sew what July 23, 2007

I have to admit that I don’t know how to sew using a sewing machine. I can sew a button onto a shirt if needed but that’s as far as I go. I told my husband the other day that I feel like less of a woman because I don’t know how to use a sewing machine. I was half-joking. I even showed him a verse in the Bible about the Proverbs 31 woman making her own clothes. Can I ever be her without a sewing machine?

But I am willing to learn and am looking to buy a sewing machine. My goal? To make my own clothes and some for my son. I saw some really cool patterns at Wal-Mart and want to try them out. I’m always up for a challenge!

Anyone with sewing experience…how long does it usually take to sew together clothes, like a shirt, for example? Is this a difficult and time-consuming task? Can I get by with purchasing a less-than-$100 Singer sewing machine? Any tips?